The postpartum period is a common time for women to experience emotional distress due to the many changes going on physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally for them. Add in the drastic role imbalance that occurs when a woman goes from having agency over her time to do all the activities that are important to her to all of a sudden needing to focus all of her time and energy on keeping this small human alive. Sprinkle in crashing hormones, minimal sleep, and potentially lacking emotional and social support and you have a recipe for postpartum rage, and/or postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. 

What is Postpartum Rage?

It is an overwhelming feeling of anger in the postpartum period. It is not a diagnosis but can be a sign of postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Postpartum rage can cause a significant amount of guilt and shame in the mother, often feeling like they are a monster or that they are failing in some way. This is so far from the truth! There are many factors playing into the presence of this challenge, many of which have nothing to do with the mom. 

Postpartum Rage Symptoms:

• Feeling physically hot 
• Extreme irritability
• Episodes of uncharacteristic anger that feels uncontrollable
• Increased yelling or swearing
• Urges to throw, hit, or break things
• Feelings of powerlessness
• Difficulty settling to sleep
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Short fuse

What causes postpartum rage?

Although this condition isn’t fully understood, here are a few of the suspected causes of postpartum rage:

Presence of postpartum depression and/or postpartum anxiety

• Drops in oestrogen and progesterone
• Family history or personal history of depression and/ or anxiety
• Sleep deprivation
• Frustration about infant sleep
• Changes to the body, lifestyle, and relationships
• Lack of social or emotional support

What triggers postpartum rage?

Postpartum rage is often triggered by unmet needs, a mismatch between what was expected of the postpartum period and reality, and lack of social or emotional support.

How long does postpartum rage last?

There is no set length of time in which postpartum rage lasts, however postpartum mood and anxiety disorders are very treatable. It will depend on many internal and external factors including how quickly the mom can get support for her sleep, overall health, and caring for her baby. This may include seeing a mental health therapist, getting help from family, a partner, friend, or postpartum doula to have naps during the day, seeking social support from other new moms. 

Personal Stories From Moms

I definitely had a lot of anger around sleep. I attribute it back to the inability to control his sleep. And then getting frustrated with, why the hell won’t you sleep, and what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with me, because I haven’t been able to fix it for him, I haven’t been able to make him more comfortable or figure out what’s causing the problem.

One mother articulated the disconnect between what she thought the demands of having a baby would be and what it was actually like. The discrepancy violated her expectations about being a competent parent because she attributed the difference to her inability to “handle” what was happening. 

What if Postpartum Rage is left unsupported or untreated?

This excess anger can have a negative effect on your relationships with your loved ones, including your baby. It can also negatively impact your experience and enjoyment of parenthood, as well as the health and well-being of your baby. 

Having a hard time regulating your emotions can lead to you saying or doing things you typically wouldn’t when you are feeling regulated. Understandably, it can also really impact a mother’s mental health and her confidence in her mothering abilities. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to receive more support!

Treatment for postpartum rage

1. Holistic Assessment and Treatment: Speak to your trusted healthcare provider to determine the best holistic treatment for you. Ensure they are assessing all aspects of your health for the most effective treatment. If you aren’t feeling listened to or supported in body and mind, keep looking for the right professional for you. Any of the following health professionals may be beneficial to you: your family physician, a naturopathic doctor, psychiatrist, mental health therapist, occupational therapist. 
2. Seek Mental Health Counselling from a Therapist Trained in Perinatal Mental Health: If you are struggling with a mood or anxiety disorder, cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy are evidence based treatments shown to be effective, in combination with medication, for treating postpartum anxiety and depression. 
3. Find Your Village: Reach out for emotional, practical, and social support. You were never meant to navigate this huge transition into motherhood alone. Ask loved ones for help during this very busy and transitional period of your life. Most people are happy to help. Join a mom and baby group in your area or online to meet other mom friends in the same stage of life as you. 
4. Protect Your Sleep: Support your sleep in whatever way you can! Asking your partner (if you have one) or a loved one to take shifts through the night, or taking naps during the day when you can. If you need support in making a plan for improving your sleep quantity and/or quality, reach out to New Heights Occupational Therapy and Wellness.
5. Therapy Groups: can be very valuable for expressing how you are feeling in a judgment free zone and with other parents going through some of the same challenges. 

How to cope with postpartum rage

1. Identify your triggers and make a plan for reducing/dealing with them

Think about what usually sets you off? Is it the noise of your baby crying, the clutter, feeling touched out? You may be experiencing sensory overload. Talk to an Occupational Therapist in your area or online. 

Understanding these patterns can help determine where you might need additional support. Come up with a plan for managing your triggers with your partner, family member, or a friend. Having their support in this can make a big difference.

2. Breathe

Try to slow your breathing in the moment. Breathe in for 2 seconds and out for 4 seconds to calm your heart rate and nervous system. “Our breath is the best regulator of our nervous system.” Porges

3. Move your body in whatever way you enjoy!

Find movement that you enjoy and incorporate a few minutes of it into your day. Movement is a great stress reliever and an excellent way to connect with your body, add nature and there are additional benefits!

4. Eat well 

Reduce sugar and caffeine consumption

Buy/prep quick grab protein options like turkey pepperoni, greek yoghurt, cheese strings, hard boiled eggs to snack on throughout the day which will stabilize your blood sugar and therefore your moods.

5. Give yourself some grace and realize this is a bigger societal problem. 

It is not YOUR fault. 

It is biological.

It is systemic in the way we undervalue the unpaid work of women.

6. Set boundaries to protect your energy

Write down what is overwhelming or draining you. 

What do you need more of or less of? 

State what you need to your loved ones.

Perhaps saying “no” to visitors for now, or limiting the number of mom and baby groups or social gatherings you attend in a week if you are an introvert.

Communicating to a partner that you can’t be responsible for certain household chores right now.

7. Schedule some time for yourself away from your baby

What is something you have been missing doing? Whether it is going for a coffee with a friend, popping into a yoga class, or reading for 20 mins uninterrupted schedule time to do something you REALLY enjoy! It will help you to feel more like yourself.

8. Ask for help

For some reason as mothers we think we should be able to do it all on our own but that isn’t realistic or how it was ever meant to be. Many other cultures surround new moms and care for HER for the first 4-6 months postpartum. Whether it is more practical support you are needing, the social support of other new moms, and/or the emotional support of a good friend or a mental health professional please seek it out. You deserve it!

Closing Thoughts

If you are struggling with postpartum rage, know that you are not alone, you are not failing, and treatment is available. If you live in Canada, reach out to me at New Heights Occupational Therapy and Wellness to book a free connection call to start feeling better today.